More Things Change
by TarynAsh
Summary: They're back. They may not be together, but so what? More things change. [Craig&Ash]
1. Losing a Whole Year

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi: The Next Generation or any of its characters. IfI did, I wouldn't have to read or write fan fictions to fulfill my love for Crash.**

It had been a week since graduation, since I had seen him last. It was the first time in a very long time though, for both of us. Ellie had told me _they_ were back together and although I thought it was disgusting, I was fine with it. Or so I thought. When I saw him and her standing there and when he and I made eye contact, everything changed. I threw on my best fake smile and looked over to Ellie, who looked a bit sad. Of course, I wondered why. But, then I thought about it and I figured, who wouldn't be sad seeing Craig with Manny?

Although the ordeal saddened me, I wouldn't show it, at least not in front of everyone else. He stared at me for quite sometime and then that was it. We didn't see each other for the rest of the time. We never made eye contact again and he never even glanced in my general direction. I left the graduation that day feeling as if my worst fear had come true. And, it had. I later found out about Craig and Ellie and about how Ellie was still pining for him. This, too, upset me, but there was no way I would let Ellie see this.

When I got home later that day my mom kept nagging me about seeing everyone. I just nodded and answered with "They're back together." I then went up to my room and put on some music. My mom knew what I was talking about, but she decided she'd dig her claws in a little deeper. That night ended in a fight between me and her, and I ended up staying the night at Ellie's, but without an explanation.

So, it's been a week. I really want to see him, just so I can talk to him. So I could apologize for leaving him. Although, I doubt he cares much now. As I sit in my room, contemplating what to do, I get a call. It's Ellie. She invites me to hang out at The Dot. When I ask her who else will be there, she tells me it'll just be us. I accept the offer, although I'd rather be coming up with a plan to see Craig.

I hop into the shower after hanging up with Ellie and when I get out I throw on a black sweater and khaki pants. I'd have to say, my style has definitely changed in the past year. I tell Toby I'm heading out, but he really doesn't care. He just gives me a shrug and I run out the door. The heels I decided on are killer on my feet, but beauty comes at a price. When I reach The Dot, I see Ellie already seated at a booth. She signals for me to join her and I notice another drink at the table.

"I thought it was just us, El?" I raise an eyebrow and she gives an innocent smile and shrugs.

"Well, it was. But, someone showed up and they really wanted to see you." The first person who shot through my mind was Craig. How could Ellie do that to me? I couldn't handle a Craig confrontation right now, especially not with Ellie here.

"Um, El…I think…" My words were cut off by Marco approaching me and giving me a hug.

"Ashley Kerwin!" I certainly must've looked surprised because Ellie gave me a weird look. Marco and I sat down and the three of us chatted over some coffee.

"How was London? I mean, I've heard only what Ellie has told me. But, she's not that great at detailing stuff. So, dish. What about this Ali guy, huh Ash?" Marco nudged me with his elbow.

"London was an adventure, but it was definitely nothing compared to Toronto. I missed you guys so much. And Ali and I amounted to nothing even remotely serious." Every time I heard the door open, I'd jump a little. And, I guess both Marco and Ellie noticed.

"Someone you're dreading, Kerwin?" Ellie smirked and gave me a suspicious look. Both she and Marco eyed me.

"Dreading someone?" I let out a nervous laugh, "Nope, just a little jumpy. That door takes me by surprise, you know?"

"Okay, Ash…" Marco gave me a weird look, as did Ellie. "Well girls, I have to get going. It was great catching up, Ash." Marco hugged the both of us and went on his way.

"Looks like I better be heading out as well. Got any plans?" Ellie started to gather her purse and stand up, waiting for an answer.

"Um – I kind of just want to walk around…maybe visit a few old friends." I shrugged and grabbed my purse.

"Well, if you want company anytime, you know who to call." Ellie hugged me and went on her way.

Honestly, I was kind of glad she did. The more time I spent away from Craig, the more I wanted to see him. Showing up at Joey's now wouldn't be the biggest mistake I could make, but it could be an embarrassing and awkward one. I was out of The Dot and towards Joey's. Whether or not I'd actually go was still a mystery, even to me.

* * *

When I saw her, it was amazing. It was one week ago today. And when I say saw her, that's all. We didn't even talk. She was with Ellie and she just smiled at me. Even after she turned her head to look back at Ellie, I stared. I couldn't help it. Manny stood right next to me, but I continued to look at Ash. She was beautiful. Maybe even more so than before she left for London; if you would've told me she could get any more gorgeous back then, I would've laughed in your face.

It's been a week and I still can't shake her beauty out of my mind. But, I have to. One, Ashley has Ali. And, two…I have Manny. And I'm happy with her, I really am this time. I wish I had the nerve to call her, to show up at her house, to…anything. It's not so much that I want to rekindle old love, but that I want to rekindle an old friendship. Manny would hate that though. And I honestly don't want to mess up what we have.

I called Ashley's house today. Toby answered and I left a message. I think he was a little shocked that I called because when I told him it was me it took him a while to respond. At least her mom didn't answer. She'd be convinced that I wanted to get back together with Ash and break her heart once more. But, I don't want that. And even if I did, Ash broke my heart last time. That has to count for something.

I sit here and wonder how serious Ali and Ash are. I wonder if they're still together. I'm happy for her if they are. And if they're not, I'm sure he didn't treat Ashley right. I never treated Ash right. I still feel guilty for that now. I feel like I owe her more, more than I ever gave her. But, I suppose it's not my responsibility anymore. Manny is.

I didn't expect Ashley to call me back. I mean, what reasons did she have? But, apparently she did have reasons. Instead of calling me back, she showed up at Joey's. Joey wasn't home, which wouldn't look too good if Manny showed up. I opened the door, expecting to see Manny or one of my other buddies. Ashley ran her fingers through her hair and smiled when I opened the door.

"Um…hey, I didn't think you'd show up here. I mean, I just asked Toby if he could have you call me back." I was pretty surprised when Ash gave me a confused look.

"What? Oh, you called…I just showed up here. I was around the neighborhood, so…yeah." She looked around nervously and shifted her weight from one foot to another. I pondered why she would just show up at my house without reason, but I didn't mind.

"Awkward," I said in a bit of a joking voice to lighten things up. She smiled and chuckled a bit. "You want to come inside?" I stepped aside and she walked in, looking around.

"This place looks the same. Is Joey home?" She led herself to the couch as I shut the door.

"Joey? Oh, no. But, if that's a problem I can call him up or something." I didn't mean for it to come out like we needed supervision, but luckily Ash just shook her head and I took a seat by her on the couch. "So…"

"I bet this is really weird, me just…showing up."

"No not at all. I mean, I figured I was being weird by calling your house and I know Toby thought it was weird." I laughed and so did she.

"Honestly, I wanted to talk to you at the graduation the other day; but, we never ran into each other or anything." She was fiddling with her hands and I could tell she was a little nervous.

"Yeah, I wanted to catch up with you, which is why I called, you know. Or maybe you don't. How was London?" I started to get nervous too, and I didn't know how to start up a conversation.

"Um, London was exciting for a while. It was nothing compared to here, though. I missed everyone. Family, friends…" I almost prayed that she wouldn't say it, but she did. "You," she stared at me for a while, but I didn't know what to say. That's when the apology came. "I'm really sorry I left like I did, Craig. I know it wasn't easy for you. And believe me, it wasn't easy for me. It was something I thought I needed at the time…and now, I'm not so sure."

"Ashley -" I jumped up from the couch and ran my hands through my hair, mostly angry. "You can't do this to me. You can't come back here and think things will be okay. We'll never be an us again. You could've come back, Ash…but you had to stay there with Ali. You don't even know how badly I had waited for you to come back. And, to find out on my birthday that you had a new boy toy…that hurt. But, I'm with Manny now…and I'm happy. Don't do this to me!" She looked a little shocked and scared. After my freak out fest, I think I would be a little taken aback too. I immediately apologized. "I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"Um – Craig, I'm not trying to get you back. I'm just telling you that I'm sorry. I'm hoping that you'll forgive me and that we can remain friends." She then stood up as well and walked towards me. Her voice got quieter. "You've always understood me, and I love that. And, I understand that you're with Manny. And, I'm glad you're happy. I respect that." Ash shakes her head as if trying to get a bad image out. "Ali was a joke…he didn't treat me right. He was horrible. And, I know this makes me sound pathetic and it makes me sound like I want you back, but…he wasn't you, Craig." With that, she backed away from me and picked up her purse. "Bye Craig."

I stopped her from walking out, though. "Wait, Ash…" She turned and looked at me full of hope. "We can definitely be friends." Ash smiled and turned back around, heading out the door. As she closed the door behind her, I fell back onto the couch and whispered after her, "_I still love you…_"


	2. Heart Shaped Box

Even though I told him I wasn't trying to win him back…deep down, I was. I wanted to impress him. I wanted him to think the world of me, like he once had. I wanted him to need me. I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to love me, most of all. I remember the last time we tried the 'just friends' thing. He ended up walking out of the recording studio because he wasn't sure if I'd always be there. Well, I'll always be there. I'd walk out on a marriage for Craig. I'd do anything for him. It's too bad that I had to lose him again to realize this.

When I get home from Craig's house, my mom and Ellie are there. It's not that late, so I don't know why either of them seems worried. They're both in the kitchen, talking and drinking tea. When I walk in, they both turn to look at me.

"Um, hey guys. El, what're you…" I stammer, kind of nervously.

"Where were you, Ashley?" My mom looks extremely pissed and I'm almost afraid to answer.

"Visiting a friend," I answer quickly, almost too quickly.

"Who?" My mother gives me a fierce look, but I don't even get to answer her.

"Craig," answers Ellie. She looks really upset, and I know I'm to blame. I open my mouth to defend myself, but I'm stopped by her harsh words. "No Ash, it's okay. Craig couldn't pick me over Manny, but you're his soul mate or something…of course he'd pick you over her... over _me_." She gets up and brushes past me. I don't even bother to follow her because I know it'll just make a bigger mess out of things. My mom stares at me as we hear the front door open and then slam.

"Ashley…" My mom says quietly, almost whispering.

"I don't want to hear it, mom. Craig and I…"

"Don't say that name. Did you see how badly Ellie was hurt? Did you, Ashley?" She turns around and picks up the cups of tea that Ellie and she were drinking. She brings them over to the sink, and I watch her clean them. Before she can turn around for an answer, I'm gone.

I went up to my room and locked my door. I just laid there for a while; I'm not even sure how long it was. I heard a knock on my door and I pretended that I was sleeping. I could hear my mom sigh and walk back downstairs.

The next morning I awoke to my cell phone vibrating on my bedside table. It sounded like a machine gun blasting through a glass window. I jumped up, my heart racing. When I realized it was my cell phone, I picked it up off of the table and stared at the name on the screen. It was Craig. I smiled a little and decided to pick it up.

"Hello," I regret answering the phone when I've only been up for a few seconds. My voice sounds all groggy and disgusting, at least to me it does.

"Ash!" Craig seems a little too excited to hear my morning voice, but I really don't mind. "Hey, did I wake you?"

"No, you didn't. The sound of my cell phone vibrating on my table did," I hear him laugh a bit and I do the same. "So, you rang?"

"Um, yeah…I was wondering if you wanted to do something. You know, hang out?" I was pretty surprised he wanted to hang out so suddenly. After all, he had to worry about Manny. And, I had to worry about Ellie.

"I…I don't think we should, Craig." There, I said it. I turned down his offer to hang out, that could cheer El up a little.

"Oh," I could hear the disappointment in his voice and it stunned me. Why did _he_ sound so disappointed? "Well, I guess I'll let you go." He sighed heavily.

"Yeah," I felt so stupid for saying what I had. I really wanted to hang out with Craig. I wanted it to be like old times, minus the making out. "I feel stupid." I couldn't help it; it just slipped out…like, word vomit or something.

"What? Why?" His voice perked up a bit, which I thought was a little weird.

"What I meant before was…I want to hang out, but I don't think it'd be right."

"Right…? Come on, Ash. We're friends. It's fine. That's what friends do…they hang out." He started to sound irritated, but I didn't blame him.

"It's just…Manny…and,"

"Don't worry about Manny. She'll be cool with it." I don't know who he is trying to convince. Manny would flip out if she found out Craig and I were talking.

"It's not _just_ Manny, Craig. What about Ellie?" I could feel a lump forming in my throat, and I didn't even have a good reason.

"Listen Ash; if you don't want to hang out…just say it. Stop making up excuses. What about Ellie? She's always been friends with both of us. Plus, we're _just_ friends, why can't anyone else accept that?"

"Craig…I…I have to go," I didn't want to, but all this 'just friends' talk was upsetting me. "Bye." I hung up before he could even respond.

I sunk back under the comforter on my bed. I wanted to cry, but it seemed as if all the tears in the world were already all cried out.

* * *

I called her. She said we shouldn't hang out. She knows that's a load of shit. Something her mom has been feeding her. The truth is I miss her. I miss us. Well, not necessarily us; but, us hanging out and playing music. I can deal with the whole 'just friends' aspect of our relationship, can she? I think she's scared. She's always been too careful. Like when she ran off to England to get away from me. She knew she was falling too hard and that it might actually amount to something. She's scared. That's Ashley for you. Always running, always careful, always scared.

A little while later Ellie showed up at my house. I was in the garage fooling around with my guitar and attempting to write some new songs. I always wrote songs about Ashley. I don't know why, but they always ended up being about her. I tried writing a song about Manny, but in the end it described the relationship I had with Ashley. I guess everything boils down to her. Ellie came in and stood there a while before I noticed her.

"Hey," I got up from the couch and put down my guitar, going over to give her a hug. "How long have you been here?"

"Just a few minutes," she smiled at me and accepted my hug. "Working on a new song?" She asked, taking a seat on the couch and looking at my notebook.

"Um…yeah," I answered, hoping she wouldn't find the meaning behind the song. But, of course it's hard to hide those things from Ellie; especially when she knows both Ashley and I so well. As she read through the bit of lyrics I had written, I studied her nervously.

"Ashley," she said, still looking at the notebook.

"Huh?" She had figured it out so quickly, even I was surprised.

"They're about her. Granted, most of your lyrics are, but these ones? Wow. Hide them from Manny," she forced out a fake laugh. I knew it was a fake laugh because she never felt comfortable talking about neither Ash nor Manny with me. I just nodded; I didn't think I had anything more to say about the lyrics. "So, I heard you two talked yesterday," El looked really uncomfortable, I didn't know why she was putting herself in this position.

"Yeah, we did. We're taking that just friends route," I didn't even get to finish before she interjected with what I'd like to call just her opinion.

"You two suck as friends," she laughed and this time I could tell it was real.

"Ha. Ha. So very funny, El," I rolled my eyes and let out another sarcastic laugh.

"Very funny, yet very true," she smirked and got up from the couch, crossing her arms and turning to me. "Craig..." Her voice trailed off and I walked towards her, giving her an awkward look.

"Are you okay, Ellie?"

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine. It's just a little musty in here," she looked at her watch and let out a sigh. "Oh, I have to go meet Marco. I'm going to be late. So, I'll see you later." With that, she grabbed her purse and went towards to garage door that led into the house.

"See you later, El," I gave a little wave and after I was sure she was gone, I sat back down on the couch to write more lyrics. About Ashley and _for_ Ashley; because just like Ellie said, Ash and I suck as just friends…and we both know it.


	3. Nothing Left To Lose

**Author's Note: First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who has read this story so far. Second of all, I'd like to tell everyone that the chapters are going to start getting longer. I'm starting out this one in Craig's point of view, even though I ended the last chapter in his point of view, I want to switch it up a bit.**

After Ellie left, I ended up spending the rest of my day writing lyrics about Ash. I went inside for a short break around 7 'o clock when Manny called. She wanted me to meet her at The Dot at seven thirty. Apparently, she had big news to tell me. I felt like a horrible boyfriend. I don't call her anymore, I don't see her anymore. And honestly, I haven't had the urge to do either of those things since Ms. Kerwin came back to Toronto.

I'm going back to Vancouver soon; I have to finish my album. I keep wondering if I should let Ashley know. But, then another part of me wonders if she'd really care.

It's a bit chilly out, so I grab my leather jacket and head out to meet Manny. When I get to The Dot she's already seated at a table.

"Hey," I say, approaching her and sitting down in the chair across from her.

She smiles. "Hey, no kiss?" She pouts playfully and I lean across the table and give her a quick kiss on the lips.

"Better?"

"Much," she lets out a slight laugh and takes one of my hands in hers. "So, I wanted you to come here because I have huge news."

I raise an eyebrow, "good or bad news?"

"Well, it's good. But, it could be bad. Depends on how you take it. But, I'm really excited, Craig."

I could tell she was excited. So could my hand. By now it had lost all circulation.

"Just tell me already," I was, too, getting anxious.

"I'm going to California!" She shouted, finally releasing my hand.

I honestly didn't know how to react. I was happy for her, I really was. But, she'd be leaving me. Then again, would that be such a bad thing? Shut up, Manning, _shut up_.

"Craig? Did you hear me?" She waved a hand in front of my face.

"Yeah…I'm…wow, that's great, Manny. I'm really happy for you." I smiled and nodded happily.

"I'm finally going where I've always wanted to go. Doing what I've always wanted to do." Her smile was bigger than ever.

I looked out the window for a bit. I saw a beautiful brunette sitting on a bench across the street. She was flipping through a magazine, and when she lifted her head up to look around I realized who it was. Ashley.

Sooner than I hoped, I had to redirect my gaze back to Manny.

"I'm happy for you, but…where does that leave us?" As soon as I spoke those words, her smile turned into a frown.

"Why would you even ask that? We're in love…" She spotted me staring out the window and shook her head. "Or maybe I am."

What was she talking about? She certainly couldn't have seen me staring at Ashley, could she? I mean, did she even know Ash and I were talking again? I didn't tell her. And I don't know anyone else who would.

I diverted my gaze back to Manny and sighed.

"What're you talking about?" I tried to grab one of her hands in mine, but she tore it away.

"Craig, I'm not stupid," she shook her head again, looking more hurt than ever before.

"Wh-What're you talking about?"

"Ashley's back. I know," tears filled her eyes.

I felt like the worst boyfriend on the planet. What kind of guy was I? I had an amazing girlfriend, yet I was completely in love with someone else.

I couldn't even speak. What could I say? Just admit to loving Ashley? I couldn't do that. Fortunately, Manny spoke for me.

"Be with her. You _need_ her," she spoke through tears and ever word she said broke my heart just a little bit more. "It's not like we're breaking up…you were always with Ashley in your heart. And you know what, Craig? I love you…but I'll let you go."

She got up slowly, holding back tears. I opened my mouth to speak, but she shook her head. As she walked out of The Dot, I felt like the worst person in the world. On the other hand, I felt as if I could finally be truly happy.

I sat at the table we had both occupied for a while. Spinner came over to make sure I was doing okay. I guess he saw the whole dramatic scene unravel.

I just shook my head at him, "some employee you are, eavesdropping." I got up and walked out, leaving Spinner confused.

I looked over to where Ashley was sitting, but frowned when I saw she had been replaced by an older blonde woman talking on a cell phone. I bit my lip, scanning the other side of the street for any sign of her.

That's when I heard a voice behind me. Although I did jump a little, the voice definitely cheered me up.

"Looking for someone?" She stood so close to me I could feel her breath even through my leather jacket.

I smiled and turned around, "just this girl."

I could see her real smile change to a fake one at the mention of the female. If only she knew it was her.

"Oh? Are you…uh, meeting someone?" She nibbled on her lip and looked up into my eyes.

"Actually, I was just in The Dot and I saw this beautiful girl across the street."

I wondered how much longer I'd have to go on with this. Sooner or later she'd have to realize the girl was her.

"Maybe she's shopping or something. I was just over there." She tried to act interested in what I saw in 'this girl'. She then looked down at her feet and avoided eye contact.

I smiled, sure of myself. "I know."

As soon as she realized what I meant, she looked into my eyes and smiled.

"Hungry?" I asked and she nodded. "Dinner's on me."

* * *

It wasn't any place fancy, but neither of us minded. After all, The Dot did have some of the best food in all of Toronto. It also held a lot of memories. We talked over hamburgers and fries. He told me about him and Manny, but I didn't get any details. By the time we finished talking, it was around ten thirty. Spinner kept lingering around our table, waiting for us to leave.

"Spinner, the job is to satisfy the customers. Not yourself," Craig said, smirking at me.

"Couldn't you two satisfy each other…and somewhere else?" My eyes widened at Spinner's comment and Craig gave him a punch in the arm. "I'll get the check."

While Spinner went off to fetch the check, Craig and I sat in silence. I really didn't know what to say after Spinner's remark. Too bad Darcy wasn't around to keep him in line.

Luckily, I didn't have to speak. Craig was always good at filling in the awkward silences.

"Do you…what are you doing tonight?" He twiddled his thumbs, nervously.

I grinned. "I'd hate to inform you, Manning, but tonight is almost over."

He glanced at his watch and shrugged. I wondered why he suddenly wanted to hang out with me so badly. And what was with him gazing at me from across the street earlier? Sure, it arose some questions in my mind, but did he really need a reason?

Spinner came over with the check and Craig handed him some cash, telling him to keep the change. Spinner shrugged and told both of us to have a good night, ending his goodbye with a wink to Craig. Craig rolled his eyes and shook his head, then smiled at me.

As we exited The Dot, a wave of sadness engulfed me. We stood outside the door for a little while longer before he spoke.

"I'll walk you home," he smiled as we started walking.

The walk began with silence between us. I knew the walk to my house wouldn't take long, so I pretended to be interested in my surroundings. I'd stop to look into a shop window, or I'd purposely slow myself down.

"Weird coincidence how we both ended up in town," Craig nudged me and I just looked up and smiled at him.

I was still embarrassed about the comment Spinner had made when we were at The Dot. I kept stopping at a few more shop windows along the way. I just liked being with him, even if we weren't saying anything.

"They never change the things in the shop windows," He smiled widely and sat down on a bench, patting the space next to him.

I secretly looked at my watch and saw that it was almost eleven thirty. When first seeing Craig, I had put my cell phone on silent so we could hang out without interruptions. It wasn't until then that I realized it was still on silent.

"I have to get going," I started walking and he jumped up and followed me.

"Ash, WAIT!" He caught up with me rather quickly and spun me around. "What's wrong? Did I – um."

"No. It's not you…just, my mom."

"Ah. Kate Kerwin. Oh, she uh…doesn't know you're with me, does she?" He shoved his hands in his pockets and shook his head. "Then again, why would she? It's not like you planned on seeing me."

"Listen Craig, I had a really nice time with you tonight. I just have to get home. My mom is going to freak." I looked at my watch and it was officially eleven thirty.

"I'm not going to let you walk home alone. Come on," he linked his arm with mine and we headed to my house.

The walk was pretty short, which I regretted. When we spotted my house the porch light was on. That was never a good sign.

"I'll walk you to the door. I want to make sure you're safe." Craig smiled at me as we walked up my driveway.

"Well, no sign of the cops," I joked and we both laughed.

As we reached my doorstep, we stood facing each other.

He started to speak, "give me a call…" but, Craig wasn't able to finish because my mother opened the door.

She looked angry and she sounded it too. "Ashley Kerwin! Get inside, NOW!" I could see her shooting heated glares at Craig.

Craig started to turn around and head down the steps, but I grabbed him by his leather jacket and quickly turned him to face me. In that moment, I felt nothing else. I pressed my lips against his and when I finally pulled away; my mom gave me a hell of a stare, as did Craig.

I looked at my mom, then back at Craig. "We've got nothing left to lose."


	4. We Have No Secrets

**Author's Note: I'll be switching POV a few times in this chapter. But, there will be a line to indicate when the POV is switching, so keep that in mind. Thanks.  
**

The first thing I felt when I woke up was a sharp object puncturing my back. I arched my back and pulled on the culprit. It was indeed one of my song lyric notebooks. Apparently, I fell asleep while writing. I sat up in bed and rubbed the spot where the spirals of the notebook had embedded themselves into my skin. Looking over to the clock, I realized it was only ten thirty. I let out a heavy sigh and fell back onto my pillow.

Suddenly, I realized what had happened last night. Ashley Kerwin kissed me. I shot up in bed and a smile overtook my lips. As all the details of the previous night were brought back into my mind, my spirits fell as quickly as they had been raised.

Sure, she had kissed me and said that we had 'nothing left to lose'; but, I couldn't help but wonder if she did it just because of her mother's presence. I had to call her to find out. I grabbed the phone off the charger, but then set it back on just as quickly. What would I say? What if Ashley didn't feel the same way about me? Was I still waiting on the other side of nothing?

Stupid, Craig, _stupid_. Of course you are. Ashley left to get away from you. And she didn't come back for you. You need to get over her. I hit my head with my hand, as if I was trying to push out the thoughts.

* * *

I lay down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I had been up practically all night contemplating the events of last night, especially the last thing that took place. What happened? We were doing great as friends, and then we kiss? Sure, the kiss was all me. Maybe that's why I'm so worried. Maybe the kiss was _only_ me. Maybe Craig didn't want it. He'd just been dumped, so why would he want it? I felt terrible.

I glanced over at my clock, only to be disappointed by what I saw. It was only eleven. Craig would still be sleeping. Besides, what makes me think he'd want to talk to me anyway? He's probably too freaked out by that kiss and that comment. I wish he would just call me, so I wouldn't have to seem like some lovesick fool.

Just when I was almost giving it to calling him, my cell phone rang. I quickly hopped up and ran over to my desk. My face went blank when I saw the name on the screen. _Jimmy_. I sighed and answered the phone.

"Hey," I said, softly.

I had completely forgotten about the kiss at the graduation. In fact, the only thing I had bothered to remember from that day was how happy Craig had looked with Manny.

"Hey Ash," Jimmy sounded as if he knew something wasn't right. "What're you up to?"

He was so caring. Always. Why couldn't I love him? Why did I have to want somebody that was far too complicated?

"Um, I'm just hanging around. What about you?" I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at the clock.

"Well, I woke up early today…and I was just wondering if you'd like to meet me at The Dot for lunch?" He sounded so hopeful, and I just couldn't turn him down.

"I'll be there. Noon sound good?"

"Perfect. I'll see you then, Ash. Bye." His voice was so cheery; I could practically hear him smiling, if that makes any sense at all.

"Bye," I said, hanging up the phone with a sigh.

* * *

It's around eleven thirty and I'm still sitting in my room, phone in hand. I had dialed her phone number a million times, but now it seemed as if my fingers were glued to the phone, unable to move. After dialing the first few digits of her phone number, I'd hang up. I was practically incapable of dialing the last digit.

I sat there for another fifteen minutes. Just wondering what she was doing, what she was thinking, how she was feeling. I just wanted to be there with her. I wanted the kiss we shared last night to mean something. _Anything_. I needed to know. Good or bad, I needed to know.

No matter how much I thought about it, sitting in my room wasn't going to answer any questions I had. So, I decided to get ready. By the time I was finished it was noon on the dot. Of course, I certainly couldn't make decisions on an empty stomach. That's when I decided to head down to The Dot. As always, there was the possibility of getting harassed by Spinner, but a guy has to eat.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to The Dot as quickly as I had hoped. On the way I ended up running into Ellie.

"Hey Craig," I heard a voice behind me say.

I knew it wasn't the voice of Ash, but it was the voice of someone else I didn't mind seeing.

"Hey El, where are you heading to?" I said, nodding to her purse and cell phone in hand.

Before she could answer me, she got an incoming text message on her phone.

"Oh, hold on." She began to text message away and I just kind of stood there like an idiot, or so I felt like one. It didn't take her too long to finish the message up. Before I knew it she had threw her phone into her purse and turned to face me again. "I'm on the way to The Dot."

"Getting some eats too, eh?" I said, smiling.

"Of course, care to join me?" She smiled as we started to walk, "I'm meeting Marco there. Well, I guess _we're_ meeting Marco there."

"Right, you are," I replied.

Food with friends, it's always been a good cure for a confused mind.

* * *

As soon as we entered The Dot, I saw Marco seated at a table. He waved to both of us and Jimmy decided we should go over.

"Hey you guys. Out on a date?" He winked at Jimmy and we both laughed.

"A lunch date," I smiled at Jimmy. "Who're you meeting?"

I figured it was Dylan or Paige, possibly both.

"Ellie, we haven't spent much time together lately. Hey, great idea. Do you two want to join us? El should be here in a few…" Marco offered us both a seat, and Jimmy rolled up his wheelchair.

I was surprised by Jimmy's sudden acceptance. And even though Ellie and I weren't on the best of terms, I couldn't help but accept. Time with friends would definitely get my mind off of the events of last night, or so I hoped.

I looked up from my spot at the table, only to see Spinner grinning at me slyly. I really hadn't thought about him being here. I mean, I knew he worked at The Dot, but was my luck really that bad? I just hoped he wouldn't approach our table and make some sexual comment like he had the night before.

"Earth to Ash, you in there? Wasn't that joke hilarious?" Jimmy said both him and Marco waving a hand in front of my face.

"What? Oh, yeah. Great joke, Marco," I forced out a laugh.

Both Jimmy and Marco waved at someone who had just entered. I turned in my seat, ready to smile and greet Ellie. As soon as I had turned, my smile faded. There he was, walking towards me.

I immediately went into freak out mode and offered Ellie a seat next to me. Unfortunately, it was too late. Craig sat down beside me and smiled. Maybe he had assumed the kiss only happened because my mom was there? Or maybe he had wanted the kiss as badly as I had.

"Hey Ash, Jimmy, Marco," Ellie smiled at all of us and took a seat near Marco. "I'm glad you two joined us. Um, I ran into Craig and decided to drag him along. Hope you guys don't mind."

Mind! Of course I mind! I practically threw myself at him last night and now, he's here. Not only that, but Spinner won't stop winking at me. Craig elbows me, so apparently he sees the wink-a-thon Spinner is having, as well.

I look at my watch and sigh. This was definitely going to be the longest lunch date of my life.

* * *

I accept to a nice lunch with Ellie and Marco, and next thing I know she's there. Not only is she there, because that I could deal with, but she's there with Jimmy. Jimmy! I thought they were finished a long time ago. So, maybe that kiss didn't mean anything. Even though it might not have, is it wrong that I want it to mean something?

The constant winks from Spinner are becoming annoying, but I figure it couldn't get any worse. That's until he approaches our table.

"Ready to order?" Spinner says, giving Ash and I yet another wink.

"Um, yeah…hey Spin, something wrong with that eye of yours?" Marco jokes.

Spinner just laughs and I can see how uncomfortable Ashley is. I look over to her and our eyes meet, she looks annoyed. Honestly, I don't blame her.

Spinner finishes up with all our orders, except mine. Ash seems to have calmed down, she's less jittery. But, of course the worst is not over.

"A burger and…"

I'm so close to sealing the deal without any embarrassments, but with Spinner things are never that easy.

"Would you like a side of Ashley Kerwin with that?" He laughs and both Ash and I dart furious glares his way.

Marco, Jimmy, and Ellie give both Ash and I awkward looks. Ash turns red and I try to continue with my order, but unfortunately…it has yet to reach full embarrassment.

"Because, I know that's what you got last night." Spinner ends his ludicrous comment up and Ash puts her head down on the table, turning as red as the ketchup bottles on the table.

Everyone else at the table looks shocked and they all burst out laughing. I can see Jimmy looks a little hurt, and I can definitely see how uncomfortable this makes Ellie. Ash's head remains down and I pat her back gently.

I lean down and whisper into her ear, "red is your color."


	5. Come Clean

After saying our goodbyes to Jimmy, who had somewhere else to be, the rest of us headed to the park. It was Ellie's idea and Marco gladly accepted. Craig didn't jump the gun, but I decided I'd go and soon after he did too.

Ellie and I walked a few steps ahead of Craig and Marco, for obvious reasons.

"That was the most embarrassing afternoon of my life," I whispered to Ellie, making sure the guys didn't hear.

"The day is young, it's only four thirty. I'm sure there is more embarrassment to come," Ellie laughed and tried to put a smile on my face. It worked.

"Spinner always knows how to makes things awkward," I shook my head and looked back to Marco and Craig, who were obviously involved in an interesting conversation as well.

"So, what _did_ happen with you and Mr. Manning last night?" She nudged me and grinned, slyly.

"Look El, I know how you feel about him and…"

She stopped me before I could continue on with my apology.

"Stop, Ash. You have no reason to be sorry. It's just a stupid crush, but you and Craig…you two have something real. Plus, me and you…we're best friends,"

"Always?" It was more of a statement than it was a question.

"Always. Now, please explain that Spinner comment to me," she said, giving me a curious look.

"What is there to say? Craig and I had dinner last night at The Dot, I guess to Spinner it was more than that." I shrugged, not wanting to get into full details.

"We _both_ know it was more than that, Ash." She shook her head and laughed. "But, if you don't want to dish all the details, that's cool."

We walked for a bit more before we finally reached the park. Marco and Craig caught up to us and all four of us sat on a bench.

"Oh, Marco…swings!" Ellie squealed, grabbing Marco's hand and dragging him off towards the swings.

She only looked back at Craig and me briefly, and that was to give me a devious smile.

"If only Marco were into girls," I said, chuckling.

"Yeah…they'd make the perfect couple." Craig scooted closer to me on the bench.

I kept my eyes on Marco and Ellie, attempting to avoid eye contact with Craig.

"Listen Ash, I think we should talk. Do you…want to go for a walk?" He stood up and faced me, practically forcing me to look him in the eye.

"Um…sure," I got up and took one last look towards Marco and Ellie.

"They won't miss us much," he smiled at me and we began to walk side by side, towards the trail in the woods.

We walked in silence for the first few minutes. After a while, he took a seat on a log and patted the spot next to him.

"You know, we could've stayed on the bench," I sat down beside him and he grabbed my hand in his. "Um, Craig…"

"Let me talk, Ash. I just, remember last night?"

Oh great, here it was. But, he was holding my hand…was it his way of saying he felt the same as I did about the kiss? Or, was this him letting me down easy?

"Um…how could I forget?" I said, looking around the wooded area to avoid eye contact.

This reminded me of the time we met in the hallway before the recording session and he ended up kissing me. If only the result could be so good this time.

"I need to know if, um, that kiss meant anything to you," he stumbled over his words a bit, which made me smile a little.

Here was the moment of truth. I had to tell him how I felt, and I could only hope he'd return those feelings. A million thoughts rushed into my mind at once, and I wasn't sure how I'd even speak clearly with all that was going through my mind.

I opened my mouth to talk, but nothing came out. Tears started to form in my eyes and I could barely keep my thoughts straight.

"Ash," Craig said softly. He pulled me into a hug and I let the tears fall freely. "I'm sorry; I don't want to make you cry. Just, forget it."

I could feel the warmth of his arms around me and that's when I knew everything would be okay. I could finally fess up to how I've felt all along. I pulled away from our hug and wiped my eyes.

"No. Craig. It's fine…I, um, that kiss…" I could feel a lump forming in my throat, and I had to tell him before I couldn't anymore. "It meant a lot to me Craig…and if you don't feel the same way…"

Before I could finish explaining, he cut me off with a passionate kiss. Although it took me by surprise, I kissed him back. When we finally pulled away from each other, all I could do was smile.

After a few minutes of sitting there in silence, just staring at each other, he decided he'd speak first.

"Does this mean we're, um, back?"

I nodded my head and laughed, "Definitely."

* * *

One minute we're talking and the next, we're kissing. Before I know it, we're back together. I wanted this more than anything else in the world. To me, nothing else mattered.

We sat and talked for hours. We barely noticed when the sun started to set and it started to get darker outside. Soon we heard Ellie and Marco calling our names, and we knew it was time to go.

It only took us a few minutes to find our way out of the woods and Ellie and Marco ran up to us.

"We thought you two left," Ellie said, grabbing Ash's arm and dragging her off.

I looked at Marco and we started to walk behind the two.

"You know they are talking all about you, don't you?" He said, grinning.

"I know. But, that's fine."

A huge smile was plastered on my lips and Marco took hint of it. He stopped walking and so did I.

"You and Ash…you two aren't…are you?" He looked worried and that made me worried.

"What if we are?" I asked, "Marco, I thought you were gay."

He gave me an awkward look and laughed.

"What? Yeah. I'm gay. And, it's not me that I'm worried about…it's Jimmy."

We started walking again and it was getting so dark that I could barely see the girls ahead of us.

"Maybe we should catch up to them," Marco said, trying to change the subject.

"What did…what about Jimmy?" I stopped walking again and Marco grabbed my arm.

"Fast walk and I'll tell you," he pulled me along and I obeyed his 'fast walk' command. "Didn't Ash tell you? Her and Jimmy…she kissed him at graduation."

My smile faded quickly and I started to run towards the girls, pulling Marco along with me.

Before we caught up to them, I screamed Ashley's name a few times and she finally turned around, smiling. As soon as she caught sight of my facial expression, she took on the same expression. I grabbed her shoulders.

"We need to talk."

"Um, didn't we already settle everything?" She said, swallowing hard.

"Something else came up," I said and she looked worried.

Just then, we heard thunder and Ellie and Marco encouraged us to walk on.

"It's going to storm!" Ellie yelled, already walking ahead with Marco.

"Yeah, Craig…we should hurry up. Start walking," Ash turned her back on me and started to walk, but I grabbed her wrist and turned her towards me. "Craig…"

"You kissed Jimmy?" I could feel the anger rising in my cheeks as my face turned red.

"Craig…you don't know the situation and…"

"No, stop Ash," I said, letting go of her wrist and walking away, upset.

It started to rain and I turned back to her, still walking.

"Is that what you do now, Ash! Kiss, date, then run!" I yelled and turned back around, picking up my pace.

I could hear her feet hit the pavement as she started to run after me.

"No! Craig! It's different with you, I love you!" It seemed as if she was screaming at the top of her lungs, but I didn't care.

Ellie and Marco were way ahead of us by now, so I just continued the walk to my house. Soon after I got home, I heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it!" I yelled up the stairs to Joey.

Opening the door I saw Ashley dripping wet. She stepped closer to me, though she was still not out of the rain.

"Even when I was in London, my heart was in Toronto…with _you_. Not with anyone else."


End file.
